Category Archives: You Don’t Know How Lucky You Are

Talking way too much with ‘Adoption: The Making of Me,’ and it was fun!

When I was invited to be guest on the adoptee-centered podcast Adoption: The Making of Me, produced and published by podcasters and producers Louise Browne and Sarah Reinhardt, I expected this to be something new for me.

Outside of what I have published in my adoptee memoir, I refrain publicly from talking about my backstory with my biological mother, my family life before I left home at the age 18, and issues that I don’t share when discussing adoption legislative reform and adoptee rights advocacy.

This time, I knew it would be different, and it seemed OK.

(If you prefer, you can listen to the podcast here, on Apple Podcasts.)

Browne and Reinhardt asked me to talk about topics I mostly keep private. So I did. I highlighted issues such the very bad domestic abuse in my adoptive family, which I have written about before. I also discussed other issues growing up I mostly keep private, as I focus more on legislative and upstream reforms to end the inequities of this system. 

Hopefully this conversation may help some others, which is why it seemed right to do this. Within hours of it being published I received a comment from a fellow adoptee using words to describe my experience that I never use to this day describing my life as an adoptee or my life story. That is fine, because each of us can experience a story with our own points of view.

Some of the other issues we covered include the denial of equal legal rights to domestic adoptees in my birth state Michigan and other states. I also talked about the history of my birthplace, the long-closed adoption mill and maternity hospital in Detroit called Crittenton General Hospital. I even was able to discuss my Finnish heritage and provide comparisons of the United States to Finland, homeland to my maternal great grandparents on my mother’s family side. As we closed, I managed to sneak in a few quick facts–because I love facts!–that the Finnish government and its national health service supports mothers and kids, making adoption in Finland rare and almost nonexistent.

As we nearly completed our hour-long conversation, I painfully realized I did too much of the talking without enough time for conversation, and they graciously forgave this sin.

I really appreciated the wonderful talk and these two podcasters, who are doing a brilliant job allowing adopted persons to tell stories to help others understand the adoption experience, from the point of view by those who lived it and who are the experts. You can also catch copies of their podcasts on their YouTube channel. Visit their past interviews to listen and learn from the voices of those who know this issue in the marrow of their bones.

Thanks again, ladies!

After five years, it’s time to adjust prices for inflation

Rudy Owens’ memoir on the American adoption experience

After five years, I will be slightly increasing the price of the paperback and e-book versions of my memoir, You Don’t Know How Lucky You Are: An Adoptee’s Journey through the American Adoption Experience.

This week, Amazon, the monopoly that controls the world of self-publishing, informed KDP account holders that it was changing its fee structure. Amazon told those who sell on its platform costs were going up: “During this time, we’ve kept our printing fees the same, despite increasing costs of materials and labor over the past six years. On June 20, 2023, we’re changing our fees to better align with today’s cost to print books. We have not taken this decision lightly, and have reduced printing costs where possible.”

Inflation has hit all of us, and my prices have not kept up since I first published my memoir in May 2018. My book remains an entirely self-funded effort focused on reforming discriminatory adoption secrecy laws and raising awareness about adoption as a public health issue and gross legal injustice to millions. What I make from publishing my book is used entirely to fund the publication of my website with research related to my book and resources to help adoptees, particularly adoptees denied basic legal equality in my birth state of Michigan.

Starting in late May, customers looking to buy my book will see the following prices changes:

EBook:
Former list price on Amazon: $7.99
New list price on Amazon: $8.99

Paperback:
Former list price on Amazon: $15.99
New list price on Amazon: $16.99

Other platforms where I sell my book online, such as IngramSpark and Smashwords, will also reflect the new pricing scheme as well.

Thanks again to every reader who has supported my story and my vision to reform how this nation continues to treat all adoptees inequitably solely because of their status at birth. I could not have done this without all of you!

Dear Governor Whitmer, signed Michigan-born adoptee

The year is 2023. Each passing day means another day that uncounted and likely tens of thousands of adoptees separated from their families by the adoption system and current state laws are denied equal treatment by law and knowledge of their vital records.

Many in my era are now old enough to have died already from chronic disease and other health issues as we age into our older years.

That means the birth mothers of this large cohort or post-World War II era adoptees are more likely to have died or may be close to the end. This is an issue that impacts my own family personally, and I am still amazed at the lifelong, permanent harm created by secrecy and family separation.

This year, I continue to focus my advocacy for decades-overdue legislative reform on the only person who counts for ultimately moving a piece of legislation through a Democrat-controlled state legislature. That person is Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, a Democrat.

My “Dear Governor” video may not ever be seen by Gov. Whitmer, or even her staff. But that is the work of other adoptees and maybe even a journalist or two to share it. On April 29, 2023, I posted this video and this message:

“The time is now, Gov. Whitmer. Thousands and thousands of Michigan-born adoptees, including me, are denied access to the original vital records by law—only because we were relinquished from our kin by adoption. Let’s change that and start the new chapter now. You can contact me any time, and I’d be happy to give you a copy of my book why legal reform is long overdue and why it’s time to right historic wrongs to people born in my birth state. For more information about Michigan’s outdated adoption secrecy laws and the need for reform, please visit the website for my book on the U.S. adoption experience and my experience seeking reform and justice in accessing records that are mine as a legal and human right. Go to: www.howluckyuare.com.”

Some of my fellow Michigan-born adoptees have shared this already, and I appreciate that. Thank you for what you are doing!

Focus on equality and nothing but equality:

The only reform that I will champion is reform that restores permanent, legal access to an adoptee’s original birth record without any obstruction and interference upon an adopted person reaching adulthood. I hope all adoptees in Michigan working toward a shared vision of legal reform will not partner with any person or organization who is not able to commit to this goal in writing and publicly. Remember, if folks don’t commit to clear communications, it’s best to take a pass and work with those who do. Serious people are clear. Hucksters spin yarns and evade. (Click on this link focusing on adoptee rights to hear a 15-minute version of a yarn promoting bad reform, rebutted by 15 minutes correcting the misinformation with facts).

In the world of adoptee rights advocacy, there are those who champion true reform and those who promote bad policy, similar to the incredibly regressive and harmful bill in California this spring—AB 1302, opposed nationally by nearly all leading adoptee rights groups.

So, unless someone who is an advocate can step forward clearly and publicly, with a published statement that can be read by everyone regarding their position statements, they are not being serious and can be discounted as not being true adoptee rights advocates.

Mark Twain, philosopher of the art of lying

Mark Twain got this part right about the hucksters and lying, long ago. “Among other common lies, we have the silent lie—the deception which one conveys by simply keeping still and concealing the truth. Many obstinate truth-mongers indulge in this dissipation, imagining that if they speak no lie, they lie not at all.”

I urge anyone in Michigan who shares a goal for lasting reform not work any group or persons claimed to be adoptee rights advocates who are not honest, clear, and public where they stand. In the spirit of full disclosure, my views on this topic are clear, and you can find them on my website and in my book, You Don’t Know How Lucky You Are.

Adoptee rights and family medical history: this is obvious and let’s talk about it

We still don’t know to this day how many adoptees there are in the United States. That also means we don’t know how many of them are now at elevated risk of genetically-based medical conditions. But we do know that knowing one’s family medical history is a best medical practice. This is not rocket science here.

As an adoptee, I still am baffled why so few of my fellow adoptees speak the language of medical harm that is foundational to this system. Even adoptee rights activists I know who are really smart either don’t get this or refuse to talk about this.

I always have talked about it and I will continue to raise this issue, as I did in my book on how adoption also is a public health issue that causes harm. In chapter 8 of my book, You Don’t Know How Lucky You Are, I outlined the extensive research documenting the critical importance of knowing one’s family medical history: “Having access to family health history and information on other relatives—relatives who are genetically related—is considered by the nation’s foremost health experts to be necessary and beneficial for individual and population health. But as of 2018, there is no national campaign or policy initiative to promote giving hundreds of thousands of adoptees the ability to learn about their family medical health history.”

In my case, I’ve known my bio-family since 1989. This week I just learned that my family has a medical condition with genetic risk factors that mean I likely will be at risk. The right to know one’s family medical history is a basic human right that is denied to most adoptees by law. This must end. And if adoptees can’t even talk about it, shame on all of us.

‘Picking a target’ in 2023 for adoptee rights advocacy

It’s now 2023. A new year has begun, and for thousands of Michigan-born adoptees like me, none are any closer to having their legal rights restored to their original birth certificates.

So this year, I am going to put the spotlight on this state’s leaders, especially Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, who are failing to right a massive wrong that denies basic human rights to people only because of the status at birth.

Go here to read my full article, analyzing failures in Michigan’s agency responsible for overseeing vital records and leadership by all branches of state government.

My article also analyzes the sometimes complex and even messy world associated with issue advocacy, including the mostly ignored world of adoptee rights. 

Here’s my list of tips (also found in my longer article) for adoptee rights advocates in Michigan, or their allies (all allies are welcome, too):

  • If you live in Michigan, make noise. Be that annoying tsetse fly for Gov. Whitmer and state lawmakers who cannot be ignored until your bites are so painful that you are acknowledged. To that end, here are friendly resource on tips for advocates with limited resources, from Saul Alinsky.
  • You can develop relations with lawmakers and request personal meetings if you are going to Lansing. You can also share information with your local media, if they still exist, in the form of letters to the editor or on social media calling attention to denied legal rights. Social media may be helpful if you are good in that space. With Twitter turning into a large mess, I am not sure what platform may be the most effective now.
  • If you are more of a “power broker” kind of person, who knows “the game” (meaning you have “connections to those in power), a more effective way to make change is to engage Gov. Whitmer.
  • If you are not able to engage Gov. Whitmer, the most powerful power broker of all is a governor’s chief of staff. Gov. Whitmer’s Chief of Staff is, as of Jan. 2, 2022, JoAnne Huls. Because chiefs of staff try to be invisible to public and only to speak with deal-makers, the other best possible person for real access is a governor’s communications director, who manages a governor’s “brand.” Bobby Leddy is Gov. Whitmer’s communications director, and he is active on Twitter and can be “pinged” and equally “annoyed” with persistent, fact-based activity about adoptee rights concerns.
  • In addition to copying Leddy on Twitter, consider using this account to get Gov. Whitmer’s staff’s attention: Press@Michigan.gov. They will care if you are a state voter, in the way they won’t care about someone like me, who is not a voter in the state.
  • The best way to promote reform is by telling stories of the injustices you have encountered. Make it personal and say what happened and what it means to you. Name names and make it personal. It has to be personal. This was very helpful with stunning legal reform in Vermont being implemented in 2023.
  • My personal preference is to advocate for lasting legal reform the way New York state adoptee rights advocates and Vermont adoptee rights advocates have won legislative reforms. Those are two great success stories. Use the links to learn more about their lasting victories.

Remember, lasting change, good or bad, is always won by a group of committed warriors, in the truest sense. True warriors are those go into any “conflict” with the outcomes already decided in their minds with a clear strategy for victory.

Each of us can make a difference. Choose your battles and always remain focused on the larger goal. For me that remains permanent and lasting legal reform to end the injustice of outdated, harmful adoption laws that hide a person’s truth and deny them their original records.

And for adoptees who are working for change, I appreciate everything you can do this year if you have the time, energy, and good will. Good luck and make 2023 a great one!