Tag Archives: Lying

Thoughts on John le Carré and my life as an adoptee

The author David Cornwall, more famously known by his pen name, John le Carré. Photo is being shared for the purposes of illustration only and will be removed if requested by the owner of the original photo; this site operates as a nonprofit clearinghouse for information on policy issues related to adoption and adoptee rights.

The great British novelist David Cornwall, known to world by the pen name John le Carré, died of complications from pneumonia on Dec. 12, 2020, at the age of 89.

Throughout my entire adult life, le Carré has been a frequent visitor to my thoughts as I have reflected upon my life as an adoptee.

I thought about him again this week, when my former work colleague told me they were an adoptee. This took me like a storm, because this former work associate never betrayed any signs of that status during our two years of closely working together during the pandemic.

This revelation struck me that they were, in my view, like me—part actor, part “mole.” Le Carré popularized that term to describe those who burrow deeply into another country’s intelligence services to serve another master.

I again realized that my former coworker, like me, was an accomplished master at hiding this most important aspect of their identity as we navigated our public worlds much the ways spies do, with hidden realities and public faces that never betray our true allegiances and actual identities.

Why le Carré matters to my adoptee persona
Foremost I remain a lifelong fan of le Carré because of his great skills as a writer.

I also admire him because we share a few core things in common and because of his ability to give shape to places of ambiguity that so perfectly matches my own worldview.  

… My affection for le Carré’s writing stems from being born into a world that oddly matches the spaces he painted with words for decades.

In my case, I am an adoptee, recruited to the service of adoption as an infant, with a fake birth certificate and new name and new family. (See my guide comparing le Carré’s spy craft jargon with my own adoption jargon for a quick comparison.)

SEE COMPLETE ESSAY ON THIS WEBPAGE.

Dear Governor Whitmer, signed Michigan-born adoptee

The year is 2023. Each passing day means another day that uncounted and likely tens of thousands of adoptees separated from their families by the adoption system and current state laws are denied equal treatment by law and knowledge of their vital records.

Many in my era are now old enough to have died already from chronic disease and other health issues as we age into our older years.

That means the birth mothers of this large cohort or post-World War II era adoptees are more likely to have died or may be close to the end. This is an issue that impacts my own family personally, and I am still amazed at the lifelong, permanent harm created by secrecy and family separation.

This year, I continue to focus my advocacy for decades-overdue legislative reform on the only person who counts for ultimately moving a piece of legislation through a Democrat-controlled state legislature. That person is Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, a Democrat.

My “Dear Governor” video may not ever be seen by Gov. Whitmer, or even her staff. But that is the work of other adoptees and maybe even a journalist or two to share it. On April 29, 2023, I posted this video and this message:

“The time is now, Gov. Whitmer. Thousands and thousands of Michigan-born adoptees, including me, are denied access to the original vital records by law—only because we were relinquished from our kin by adoption. Let’s change that and start the new chapter now. You can contact me any time, and I’d be happy to give you a copy of my book why legal reform is long overdue and why it’s time to right historic wrongs to people born in my birth state. For more information about Michigan’s outdated adoption secrecy laws and the need for reform, please visit the website for my book on the U.S. adoption experience and my experience seeking reform and justice in accessing records that are mine as a legal and human right. Go to: www.howluckyuare.com.”

Some of my fellow Michigan-born adoptees have shared this already, and I appreciate that. Thank you for what you are doing!

Focus on equality and nothing but equality:

The only reform that I will champion is reform that restores permanent, legal access to an adoptee’s original birth record without any obstruction and interference upon an adopted person reaching adulthood. I hope all adoptees in Michigan working toward a shared vision of legal reform will not partner with any person or organization who is not able to commit to this goal in writing and publicly. Remember, if folks don’t commit to clear communications, it’s best to take a pass and work with those who do. Serious people are clear. Hucksters spin yarns and evade. (Click on this link focusing on adoptee rights to hear a 15-minute version of a yarn promoting bad reform, rebutted by 15 minutes correcting the misinformation with facts).

In the world of adoptee rights advocacy, there are those who champion true reform and those who promote bad policy, similar to the incredibly regressive and harmful bill in California this spring—AB 1302, opposed nationally by nearly all leading adoptee rights groups.

So, unless someone who is an advocate can step forward clearly and publicly, with a published statement that can be read by everyone regarding their position statements, they are not being serious and can be discounted as not being true adoptee rights advocates.

Mark Twain, philosopher of the art of lying

Mark Twain got this part right about the hucksters and lying, long ago. “Among other common lies, we have the silent lie—the deception which one conveys by simply keeping still and concealing the truth. Many obstinate truth-mongers indulge in this dissipation, imagining that if they speak no lie, they lie not at all.”

I urge anyone in Michigan who shares a goal for lasting reform not work any group or persons claimed to be adoptee rights advocates who are not honest, clear, and public where they stand. In the spirit of full disclosure, my views on this topic are clear, and you can find them on my website and in my book, You Don’t Know How Lucky You Are.