Tag Archives: Rudy Owens Memoir

‘Talking Story’ with Bryan Elliott on his podcast Living in Adoptionland

Bryan Elliott, host of Living in Adoptionland, and Rudy Owens, author of You Don’t Know How Lucky You Are

Earlier this month, I sat down with fellow adoptee and now podcaster Bryan Elliott to discuss the U.S. adoption system and why I wrote my book examining that institution and my journey through it. I had no idea where our conversation would land. However, I trusted Bryan’s professionalism as a writer, director, and multimedia producer to allow our conversation to wander where it naturally wanted to go.

Bryan posted our conversation this week on his podcast channel, Living in Adoptionland. I could not be happier with the interview and the high quality of the production.

Bryan had contacted me in late spring and invited me to his new show, which he launched in late May. And he’s been busy, having already published nearly a dozen shows, with conversations with some fellow adoptees I know from their advocacy on Twitter and other spaces where adoptees advocate for reform to a system that has impacted millions of people.

Bryan shares this summary why he’s producing his show now. He describes it as “the podcast I wish I had before I started on my journey more than 25 years ago. It’s a mosaic of real stories from the adoption community which includes parents who gave up their children, families struggling with infertility and natural conception, and the often silent adult adoptees.”

Before we taped the podcast, with Bryan in southern California and me in Portland, we agreed to a couple of ground rules. One was that I did not want to be involved in efforts that were contrary to my larger goal in writing my book of restoring rights to adoptees, and he respected that. Another point we both agreed to was to not center ourselves in the much larger national crisis surrounding the Supreme Court’s ending of legal abortion in the United States in June with its disastrous decision to overturn Roe v. Wade. That recent, historic decision by the right-leaning court ended nearly 50 years of bedrock reproductive and legal rights secured for women.

Both of us, in our conversations before the taping, recognized this decision had tremendous impacts on women. As adult adoptees, we also both knew too well what this likely meant for the promotion of adoption by those who overturned this half-century-old legal precedent. Speaking for myself, I believe Bryan shared my own view that having two white guys talking about an issue that impacts so many women, including many brown and black women, would not be appropriate, even though as adoptees we probably would have critical perspectives to share on the national policy debate that is falsely promoting adoption as the policy alternative to abortion healthcare. In the end, we did mention this topic because one cannot talk about adoption in 2022 without talking about abortion and how that intersects with adoptees as a huge group of Americans.

With the big issues agreed upon, we could then turn to other topics he wanted to ask about and I was able to share about my now four-year-old memoir and public health analysis of this massive and still discriminatory system. Some of the themes I touched on were:

Understanding how adoption must be seen sociologically because of its history tied to the larger historic problem of illegitimacy;
How doctors played a bedrock role in the massive expansion of adoption in the United States after the 1940s and how that role ensures it remains a legitimate and acceptable “practice,” even when it separates mothers and their children;
How my life as an adoptee has evolved over time, providing me insights shared by writers and thinkers I admire, including Viktor Frankl;
Explaining to others how being adopted and being denied rights means confronting lies, discrimination, and harm that is institutionalized and continues to harm countless persons.

I would encourage those who are interested in learning more about adoption to listen to his previous interviews and to bookmark his podcast platform. And as an adoptee, I want to say how refreshing it is to talk about adoption and not have my basic human rights challenged because the interviewer did not do their homework in understanding how adoption impacts millions of persons denied their legal rights and basic human rights to know who they are.

Thanks again, Bryan. Keep up the great work. I will be tuning in again to more conversations on Living in Adoptionland.

To learn more about Bryan, visit his website here. You can reach out to Bryan here.

You can continue to reach me on my website. My hope is this conversation inspired some listeners to want to learn more and buy my book.

Readers give my memoir high marks

Rudy Owens’ memoir on the American adoption experience

It has been more than three months since I published my memoir on the U.S. adoption experience. I have found readers in the United States and abroad. Comments from my most valuable critics, my readers, continue to be positive.

Here are what a few of them have written on Amazon.com, one of the sites where my book is available in paperback and ebook format. In the end, a writer’s story will only matter if it connects with a reader in a personal way and if the writer’s story resonates with another person. It appears, so far, that I am passing that test. For that, I am grateful to those who have believed in the story of this adoptee and millions of others who are denied the rights many in this country take for granted.

LostinBooks, June 15, 2018
Rudy Owens’ examination of the legacy of closed adoption and its effects on adoptees is compelling and devastating. … You Don’t Know How Lucky YouAre opened my eyes to many experiences of adoptees that I was blind to before, although I shouldn’t have been, especially the injustice of being refused basic information about yourself or of being made to feel guilty for wanting to look for kin. I placed a child for adoption many years ago and have grieved for that baby ever since. Rudy’s book also helped me understand how much I was influenced by the prevailing attitudes towards illegitimacy and adoption during my pregnancy. His extensive bibliography lists many resources that were critical of separating mothers and children, or of sealing adoption records, that were published even before I relinquished my child so long ago. How I wish I’d read them then! Thank you to Rudy for this powerful call to action.

Bill: Aug. 19, 2018
You Don’t Know How Lucky You Are is a real American adoption story unlike most that have ever been told. In his book, Rudy Owens, a Detroit-born adoptee, describes the challenges and struggles of trying to answer the ultimate question: who am I? The story of Rudy’s own personal journey of self-discovery is interwoven with the history of modern-day adoption as practiced both within and outside of the United States. Rudy details the accompanying belief systems and policies surrounding adoption and how they have evolved over time. Rudy believes many of these practices and policies, some of which are still firmly in place today, have not always served the best interests of birth families and their children given up for adoption. Though you may not agree with the author on all of his views, this book will undoubtedly make you think more critically about adoption and how it is still being practiced today in the United States. This is a must read for anyone interested in the topic of adoption. It helps explain what it is like for many to have been placed in a completely unrelated family shortly after birth, and then ever after, being greatly restricted and at placed at a real deficit to establishing any real connections with those of greatest relation—biological family.

Anna, Aug. 23, 2018
A massive thanks goes to the author for highlighting this topic that doesn’t yet get the amount of attention it should. The book is a good mix of scientific research and personal memoir. Millions of U.S. adoptees experience a shocking amount of legalized discrimination built on a foundation of unsubstantiated claims and stereotypes about their character. The vast majority of states in the U.S. deny adoptees access to what many take for granted such as uninhibited access to birth records, medical history, and perhaps most importantly, kindred connection and the knowledge of one’s self. Highly recommended for anyone interested in adoptees rights and the ability to transform millions of lives for the better.

My memoir is now ready for purchase in paperback and e-book

Rudy Owens holding his completed memoir.

Rudy Owens holds his completed memoir.

I am thrilled to announce that my memoir on the American adoption experience can now be purchased online, in the United States and internationally. For now I have placed it on Amazon and Smashwords. I will make it available for individual consumers on other book retailing sites soon.

Buy in paperback, on Amazon ($15.99 in the United States; pricing will vary internationally)
Buy for Kindle on Amazon ($7.99 in the United States, pricing will vary internationally)
Buy as an e-book (epub format) on Smashwords ($7.99 in the United States, pricing will vary internationally)

Though I reached out to more than 100 publishers and agents over six months, the topic of adoptee rights and adoption as system that still denies millions basic equal rights is not a popular one and likely not a best-selling theme. In the end, I self-published through my newly formed publishing company, BFD Press. I encourage all readers to write a review on Amazon and share what you think of my work. Reviews will help to draw more attention to the book from other interested readers and better visibility within Amazon. Please be honest with your views.

For Retailers, Libraries, Institutions, Bookstores, More

You Don’t Know How Lucky You Are also can be acquired from IngramSpark in paperback (ISBN: 978-0-692-82156-5) and e-book (ISBN: 978-0-692-12440-6). Please search for my title using the ISBN numbers, the title/subtitle (You Don’t Know How Lucky You Are: An Adoptee’s Journey Through the American Adoption Experience), or author name, Rudy Owens.

My book is ideal for many markets, including independent bookstores, online retailers, chain stores, e-book and niche retailers, public and university libraries, and universities and university programs (public health, law, health care, social work, and more). I am especially focussed on marketing this book to all libraries and many university programs.

How to Stay in Touch and Follow Rudy

To get regular updates about my book, speaking engagements, readings, and more, sign up for my newsletter and follow my blog updates (sign up on the navigation bar on any page or the home page).

You can also follow me and the updates on my book on Facebook and on Twitter (@RudyOwensMemoir).

I always look forward to hearing from my readers directly; let me know what you think.

‘The Art of War’: the essential text for any U.S. adoptee

Sun Tzu, the brilliant Chinese strategist, reportedly born in 554 BC, should be studied and read by every adoptee in the United States who is denied equal treatment under the law and their original birth records. His classic treatise, The Art of War, remains one of the most frequently studied, quoted, and referenced tools in human civilization for anyone who engages in advocacy and, yes, war.

Everything is there for the adoptee or birth parent seeking his/her records and past and for advocacy groups seeking reform and justice from a system that denies basic justice and equality to millions.

For adoptees who are plagued by insecurity, doubt, and depression about the injustice of discriminatory state adoption laws and historic and unspoken prejudice against illegitimately born people like adoptees, I first recommend drawing from your wisdom and discipline you have gained from your experience. Finding wisdom in books will be meaningless unless you can first put that knowledge into a perspective you have lived yourself.

So Why Sun Tzu and an Ancient Text?

My tweet to adoptees on preparing for long campaigns for equal rights: read Sun Tzu.

Most adoptees will learn that their path to wisdom and later action will eventually require discipline, awareness of one’s adversaries, and adapting successfully from tough experience. Luckily, Sun Tzu provides one of the easiest to access toolkits to guide you as you embark on your journey that only you can make.

If your mind is open to new ideas, Sun Tzu’s timeless observations and tactics allow anyone to become an irresistible force. As Sun Tzu says, “Being unconquerable lies with yourself.”

In my case, I embraced many of these strategies to overcome the country’s discriminatory adoption system and achieve a measure of justice and wisdom, which I describe in my book on my adoption experience. Sun Tzu correctly notes, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, your victory will not stand in doubt; if you know Heaven and know Earth, you may make your victory complete.”

How my memoir stands out in a crowded market

Moses, a prophet to Jews, Christians, and Muslims, likely is the world’s best-known adoptee. His lifelong journey also embodies the archetypal hero’s journey, as described by writer Joseph Campbell.

As I reach out to agents and publishers, one of the first things they want to know is where my books fits in the publishing world and if this book will sell and be worth their investment. Great questions. Here is how I reply.

When I walk into the biggest new and used bookstore in the United States, Powell’s Books in Portland, I see my memoir standing among the freshest new titles on the front shelf. It will be among other nonfiction works that are must-reads for the book-buying public who will purchase it and tell their friends to do the same.

It is at its heart an investigative memoir, which understands the importance of a good detective and mystery story to engage readers. It is a hero’s story in its purest, most archetypal form.

It combines research of biology, history, sex, taboos, and social engineering and makes sense of what appear to be unconnected fields. Like many great personal stories that tell a larger story about society, it draws from a deeply personal experience and backs it up with rock-solid research that challenges deeply held prejudices of most readers.

Lastly, it breaks form all personal narratives ever written by adoptees by rejecting the prevalent view of an adoptee’s experience and turns it into a reflection on making the most of life, the way Viktor Frankl masterfully did in his global bestseller Man’s Search for Meaning.