Remembering my alcoholic adoptive father on Father’s Day

I am hiding, intentionally, the identities of my adoptive father, left, and his two younger brothers, and their father. (Date and location of photo unknown; mid-1940s or a bit later?)

The past week and a half saw different stories of my adoptive life joining together.

The first was the death of the last surviving brother of my adoptive father at the end of May 2024, and news of his death reaching me in early June 2024.

The other story is what this man hid and shared with me about my adoptive father, his older brother.

My adoptive father died in 1985 after long bouts of health problems, including the impacts from decades of alcoholism. Ultimately his addiction took his life, cruelly even, after barely six decades alive. He died separated from many who knew him early in his life. It was a bad ending.

I remember him still, to this day, as a very unhappy but smart man. I also cannot calculate the incalculable harm he dealt to my adoptive mom, my adoptive sister, and me. Alcohol was his demon, and those ensnared in his cage of self-destruction were us.

My adoptive father had three brothers. They were raised in a very strict German-American family in the Cleveland suburbs, when it was a bustling city with many thriving industries. The oldest died a ruptured appendix when he was 13 years old. This likely led to an enormous burden of German family pressure thrown on my adoptive father’s shoulders, as the next oldest son. My adoptive grandfather was big and domineering, and I can barely remember him. He likely pushed my adoptive into the Lutheran seminary, at Concordia Seminary in St. Louis, when my adoptive father was right out of his Lutheran boarding school.

There were also two other brothers. The youngest of the four died in 2017 at the age of 86. The brother between them, who peacefully passed away in late May 2024, died at the age of 97.

As I was writing my book on my adoption story between 2015 and 2018, this last dying brother agreed to provide some background to my adoptive father’s life. I had to push him for this information. After receiving my request and knowing that he had stories to tell hidden inside, he sent me two well-written, but carefully framed pages describing my adoptive father’s extremely troubled life.

At last the dark secrets
I learned things never shared with me before, held from me for more than five decades.

Many might say a “dirty secret,” especially from an undeserving adoptee who should just be grateful for being taken into a “loving family,” is best kept hidden.

I shared that dark secret in my book. In my book, I describe how my adoptive uncle told me my adoptive father was already an alcoholic before I was placed for adoption. In fact, my adoptive father had been in a treatment program before I was placed with him and my adoptive mother.

As to whether the social workers who did the home study visits of my adoptive parents’ west Detroit house knew about his treatment remains unknown.

That two-page summary I still have finally revealed this long-hidden chapter in my adoptive father’s life with other revelations I won’t share. He likely should never have been given charge of children because of his substance abuse problem. (My adoptive sister had been placed with them two years before me.)

Within eight years of me being placed with my adoptive parents, and after years of my adoptive father’s physical abuse of my adoptive mother and other events I won’t share, they divorced. I also was obligated to see him for about four more years or more, which exposed me and my sister to nearly being killed when he was driving us in a drunken stupor with us as passengers.

None of these tales are new. I have shared them very publicly.

My book explored my father’s troubled past, only slightly
In fact, in the introduction to my book, You Don’t Know How Lucky You Are, made clear the reality of what my youth was like living in the shadow of a violent, alcoholic father and failed adoptive parent: “At times, when he was drunk, he could have killed my sister and me on more than a dozen occasions—when he would drive us in a total stupor. My adoptive family’s struggles were not pleasant, but they are also things no one could have predicted, and their meaning and purpose may still not even be clear to me. However, the way I confronted these challenges was uniquely my own, and I own how I addressed my reality and the conditions of my life. No one else is responsible for that.”

I am glad my adoptive uncle who just passed away lived a long, healthy life, with many children and some biological grandchildren of this own.

But I will never know why he chose to keep my adoptive father’s dark secrets hidden from the people most harmed, for half a century.

I think he may have felt the “past was the past” and that my father’s early death was punishment enough.

But I also think that he simply was incapable to genuinely considering me and my sister as being worthy about the truth of what happened to us, changing our lives forever, in very painful ways for my adoptive sister and my adoptive mother. I was resilient, but at a high cost. 

We were never my adoptive uncle’s biological kin. We were “relinquished” babies, and perhaps he thought we should just be grateful our entire lives and accept our fate, including the violence and chaos that came our way. I don’t really know.

In my book, I also describe forgiving my adoptive father. I decided to do that when I was 18 years old and started my life living away from home, forever. It represented one of the most mature and smartest things I ever did. I had the power to act with forgiveness. In that sense, I became the master of my destiny, not bound by the harm of the past.

When the past comes back, like it does now with my adoptive uncle’s death, it’s a good time to recount the story. We need to be honest about what adoption truly is and who is impacted by it.

As for the holiday celebrating “dads,” you’ll forgive me for not pausing to acknowledge the day as something meaningful.

This corporate marketing day has a different meaning for many who have stories like me. On this so-called “Father’s Day,” we’ll also give most of you celebrating this day a free pass too, for not recognizing the many in our camp with a “father” like my own.

Maybe one day you’ll care enough to truly acknowledge us too.

AI will only harm adoptees and promote the adoption system’s lies and deception

An AI-image generator tool created these images when I asked it to generate a photo illustration of “Adoptee rights in Michigan.”

In early May, I asked ChatGPT to write an article based on this question: “I need an article about adoptee rights in Michigan.”

I wanted to see, by chance, if any of the minor content I contributed online, amid the countless regurgitated media stories with outright false information about adoption, its history, and its denial of basic legal and human rights to countless thousands of adopted in Michigan, had any impact.

I know, it was an absurd idea to think that me, a gnat in the mighty giant and swirling cesspool of global adoption storytelling and lies surrounding U.S. and global intercountry adoption, might have had an impact.

I know you’re not surprised with my finding that nothing I contributed to scholarship and public understanding of denied legal rights to Michigan adoptees made it into the artificial intelligence factory machine that consistently is flagged for sharing false information, particularly about marginalized groups.

In fact the article had no mention of the latest stalled efforts to restore basic legal rights to Michigan adoptees in 2024.

For me it served as an important reality check that all of the harm adoptees suffer from the institutionalized lies and deception about U.S. adoption history and practices will only be super charged as AI-driven information generation takes over all communications platforms.

I can’t fight it.

I can’t beat it.

However, I will occasionally call out the deception and lies that can broadly be called adoption propaganda.  

To my adoptee colleagues out there, I think your best bet will be to be aware that stories like what you will see below are coming. In fact they have probably been bubbling around the internet now for many months.

This information will be parroted and retained by most people, and your stories will continue to be ignored, as they have been for decades, I fear.

Be sure to practice good care and take comfort that others out there who are in your situation will see the lies for what they have always been.

Question posed to ChatGPT on May 9, 2024, with my editorial comments included in brackets and capitalized words: “I need an article about adoptee rights in Michigan.” 

The ChatGPT response: Title: Understanding Adoptee Rights in Michigan: A Guide to Accessing Birth Records and Unraveling Legal Complexities

 Introduction: Adoptee rights have been a topic of significant discussion and advocacy across the United States, including in Michigan. The journey to access birth records and understand legal complexities can be daunting for adoptees navigating their identity and personal history. In this article, we delve into the landscape of adoptee rights in Michigan, exploring the legal framework, recent developments, and avenues for obtaining vital information.

Legal Framework: Michigan’s adoption laws have evolved over the years, shaping the rights and access of adoptees to their original birth records. Historically, Michigan, like many states, sealed original birth records upon adoption, making it challenging for adoptees to access crucial information about their biological origins. However, in recent decades, there have been significant shifts towards greater transparency and access.

In 2014, Michigan passed legislation allowing adult adoptees born in the state to obtain a copy of their original birth certificate upon request. This marked a significant milestone in adoptee rights, granting individuals the opportunity to reclaim a fundamental aspect of their identity. The law, however, included provisions for birth parents to redact their names from the birth certificate if they wished to remain anonymous. [THIS IS WILDLY FALSE INFORMATION. LEGISLATION SIGNED INTO LAW IN 2015 BY FORMER GOP GOV. RICK SNYDER ALLOWED ADOPTION AGENCIES TO REFUSE SERVICE TO SOME FAMILIES BASED ON ALLEGED FAITH OBJECTIONS. A 2014 LAW SIGNED BY SNYDER EXPANDED LEGALS RIGHTS TO SO-CALLED “PUTATIVE FATHERS.”]

Recent Developments: Since the implementation of the 2014 law, there have been ongoing discussions and efforts to further enhance adoptee rights in Michigan. Advocacy groups, adoptee organizations, and lawmakers continue to push for legislative reforms that promote greater transparency and remove barriers to accessing birth records. [THIS ONLY STARTED IN THE LAST 12 MONTHS FOR REAL REFORM.]

One notable development is the movement towards unrestricted access to original birth certificates, allowing adoptees unfettered access to their complete birth records without redaction or restrictions. Such measures aim to empower adoptees in their journey of self-discovery and identity formation while respecting the rights and privacy concerns of all parties involved. [THIS IS MOSTLY GOBBLY GOOP.]

Avenues for Obtaining Birth Records: For adoptees navigating the process of accessing their birth records in Michigan, there are specific steps and resources available. [THIS IS IS A FALSE STATEMENT.] The Michigan Department of Health and Human Services (MDHHS) oversees vital records, including birth certificates, and provides guidance on obtaining these documents. [THIS IS A FLAT OUT LIE.]

To request an original birth certificate, adoptees must submit an application to the MDHHS, along with any required documentation and fees. It’s essential to follow the specific procedures outlined by the department to ensure a smooth and efficient process. [THIS IS FALSE TOO.]

Additionally, adoptees may seek support from advocacy organizations and legal professionals specializing in adoptee rights. These resources can offer valuable assistance and guidance throughout the journey of accessing birth records and navigating any legal complexities that may arise. [THIS IS A BUNCH OF NONSENSE WORDS.]

Conclusion: Adoptee rights in Michigan have seen significant progress in recent years [FALSE STATEMENT], thanks to legislative reforms and ongoing advocacy efforts [ALSO FALSE]. However, challenges remain, and there is still work to be done to ensure that adoptees have full access to their birth records and the opportunity to explore their identity without barriers or restrictions. [THIS IS A NONSENSE SENTENCE TOO.]

By understanding the legal framework, staying informed about recent developments, and utilizing available resources, adoptees in Michigan can navigate the process of accessing their birth records with confidence and clarity. [THAT’S PURE MALARKY; NONE OF THIS IS TRUE.] Ultimately, the journey towards reclaiming one’s identity is a deeply personal and transformative experience, and adoptees deserve full support and empowerment every step of the way. [THIS IS MORE GOOBLY GOOP.]

Death finally takes my birth mother, did you come to gawk at the photo?

Rudy Owens took this photograph of his birth mother in 2009; what do you see and why are you looking at it now?

The entire time I have communicated about my history as an adoptee and the widespread denial of basic human and legal rights to all adoptees, I held a line.

That demarcation point, for me, represented a conscious act of power and an act of defiance.

Until today, April 27, 2024, I have never publicly published a photograph of my closest biological family relative that showed their face.

Here it is. Are you amused? Do you care?

On a few occasions I published very old pictures of my biological grandparents, on my maternal and paternal family sides. These are so buried in my archive, they are likely impossible to find. These photos are also old, and they are more like museum artifacts than documentation of blood lineage.

But now I have arrived at a new destination, because the Angel of Death arrived late this week.

In fact, I started writing this essay when my birth mother* was among the living, a day before her passing. Now she is among the dead, having died in a Michigan hospital this week after a long declining trajectory to death’s final clutches.

SEE COMPLETE ESSAY ON THIS WEBPAGE.

When the sirens call, you must respond

This week, I thought more deeply about mythology and finding magic. I realized both will be topics in a book I have decided I need to publish about an amazing year of exploration, discovery, and finding “my home” in one of my ancestral countries, Finland. All told, I’ve published nearly 20 essays since early 2023 on my connections to this Nordic country, as well as hundreds of photographs.

In my essay I wrote this past week about what I learned during this time, I reflected on the role of myth in my life and this latest, happy chapter. I described how knowing the power of myth gave me a power to overcome the nation’s discriminatory legal system that denied me my legal rights to know my identity and kin.

“In fact, understanding myth and my adoption story gave me what I consider to be a tactical advantage compared to other adoptees who start their journeys for self-awareness far later in life. I was in a totally different place because I already had deep knowledge of myth’s meaning to the human experience because I read countless books on myths as a young person and learned the stories of the Bible in church every Sunday.”

I had a lot of great conversations with some friends, and I came up with a working title for now of this new book: “When the Sirens Call: Finding ‘my Home’ in Finland.” I wanted to make a public statement, by video, to keep the fire under my feet to honor this promise. I also quote the great thinker and author of a book exploring myth, Joseph Campbell, who also talks about “finding one’s bliss.” It’s has nothing to do with cheap, New Age gimmicks from guru hucksters. It’s akin to wisdom shared by other wise thinkers, like Viktor Frankl.  

Campbell noted: “If you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life you ought to be living is the one you’re living somehow. And when you can see it, you begin to deal with people who are in your field of your bliss, and they open doors to you.”

This was perfectly true for me on my journey “home” to Finland. More will be coming later. Remember, when you hear the sirens, you must listen and you must respond. That is life calling you!

Why won’t the American Public Health Association even publish a letter supporting adoptees?

By Rudy Owens, MA, MPH
Published April 7, 2024

On Jan. 15, 2024, I sent a “letter to the editor” to a national publication called The Nation’s Health, a public health newsletter published by the American Public Health Association (APHA). My letter was about 300 words and focused on clearly documented public health practices promoted by the country’s national public health organization.

In my letter, I noted, “Today, most health and public health experts, including the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), encourage all Americans to know their family health history to share with their medical providers to promote better health.”

I read the entire letter in my video here.

I pointed out in my letter that “no medical health group or public health groups have publicly supported changing state adoption laws that deny birth records and family medical history to millions of U.S.-born adoptees.”

I ended my letter with a call to action, for what the public health field commonly calls evidence-based, upstream public health interventions. That is precisely what adoptee rights advocates have been calling for, for more than 50 years, asking for reforms to state laws to unseal original birth records that would provide millions of people better health by allowing them to better know their health history.

I ended my letter noting: “This year, public health practitioners can join with adoptees in legislative advocacy to improve the health of millions by changing these laws.” My note even highlighted my own family’s story about being a Finnish-American and having lost a close birth relative to heart disease very tragically on Dec. 29, 2023.

Even with the death of a close family member and the clearly documented evidence regarding what all health and public health experts say is a best practice, to know one’s family health history, I never heard back from the editorial staff of The Nation’s Health.

I respectfully resubmitted my letter three more times, a total of four times, since Jan. 15, 2024. I have never received confirmation if my letter would be accepted or if it was rejected.

I am assuming now that the letter has been rejected. I believe my letter was not accepted because of the tension such a letter raises.

In my view this tension may even cause internal denial and reveal professional and national patterns of cognitive dissonance by a field that proclaims to promote public health but has embraced national practices on millions of adoptees that harm their health and the nation’s public health.

In my 2018 book examining adoption from a public health perspective and on my website, I’ve long called upon health and public health groups to support adoptees.

“Both have a moral obligation to advocate for the well-being of all adopted Americans as a population,” I write. “Both also have a responsibility to correct their past historic roles creating a system that denies adoptees rights and also health information that could potentially be life-saving for some.”

This field has long supported U.S. adoption practices, particularly in the erasure of millions of U.S-born adoptees’ identities and by creating new and “not truthful” amended birth certificates bearing names of adoptive parents as the legal parents of adopted children and the sealing of original birth records (vital records) in most states, as part of the system’s wide expansion by the 1950s. (This is documented in many books, which I provide links to on my website.)

If you work in public health and want to support adoptee rights in legislative policy debates, I welcome your support. Contact me, and I can help guide your involvement where and when it can count.

Finally, in the time since I first reached out to APHA’s publication, adoptee rights bills in 2024 have stalled in Michigan and Georgia, delaying health and justice to countless tens of thousands of adoptees who needed “experts” to advocate on their behalf. These outcomes could have been different had health and public health experts provided supportive testimony.

Adoptees are, to date, collateral damage to outdated public health practices and laws that no longer serve any purpose when commercial DNA testing has virtually eliminated absurd notions of “secrecy.”

It’s time to fix this where it counts—in policy debates to change state laws and restore rights to adoptees by law.

(Also see my article published Jan. 13, 2024:  “Adoptee rights is also a moral issue to ensure equal rights to good health, yet public health and health professionals ignore this intentionally.”)